Doing Nothing…Again

Bonjour! Did you have a lovely and restful 4th? Did you eat way too much party food and spend lots of time with your family? Did you also spend some time just chilling out and rejuvenating yourself after a hectic early summer?

I’m happy to say Yes to all of the above. After a super-busy few months, what with moving across country from Colorado to Texas, then moving again from my brother and sister-in-law’s home (where we stayed temporarily for a few weeks until our new apartment was ready), then settling into our new place, then spending most of May and June in what seemed to be an endless round of birthday parties, graduation ceremonies, holiday parties, get-togethers, etc., we finally finally finally had a chance to just relax.

I always thought when I was younger that I had little time for things, but dang. Being an adult can be so exhausting sometimes, non? And I thought I was busy in college, and yet I remember having lots of time just to hide under the sheets and read a whole book, sometimes in one sitting. (And yet I know that if and when B. and I ever decide to have children, we’ll oten look back on these so-called busy days and long for our freedom again.)

It’s become so important for us to just spend time doing absolutely nothing, and even more so now that Dallas seems to be well in the thick of a really hot summer. Before we moved to Colorado, we juggled B.’s full class load plus four full days of a clinical internship a week; my full-time job that required lots of out-of-town travel; and lots of family obligations. As if that weren’t bad enough, at one point we actually — what the hell were we thinking??? — were dashing across town every Sunday morning going from our Buddhist meditation class to my mom’s Catholic Mass to his mother’s Lutheran service. On the same Sunday morning. Naturally, none of these were anywhere near each other, so we were usually late to two out of three. It’s a wonder we didn’t get divorced early in our marriage.

And of course, me being me, I just had to throw in a part-time wedding photography business in there as well. Even though we restricted ourselves to one wedding a month, even that limited schedule took up so much of our free time (marketing/PR, client meetings, photo shoots, postproduction, Web site maintenance, and God knows what else) that we were lucky to have one free hour where we could just sit in front of the TV and check out for a little one. And did I mention that I also squeezed in the occasional freelance writing assignment as well?

Seriously. What were we thinking?

Since moving back to Texas, we’ve been very vigilant about our time. It can be painful, but we’ve learned to say No to most invitations. Sometimes our friends just want to “hang out,” but then we find out that “hanging out” involves a dozen other folks invited at the last minute, we generally bow out. We’d rather have small get-togethers where we have the opportunity to really talk with our friends than big group dates, where half the time we don’t know anyone else other than our original friends. We no longer attend religious services, preferring instead to meditate at home, although we’re still trying to find a good Buddhist center here in the city that doesn’t require a four-hour drive over interstate highways. I’m sure our parents would love it if we accompanied them to their respective churches, but we’d rather be able to spend time with them in a place where we can talk and focus on each other. And we try to always leave at least one weekend afternoon or morning totally free: we turn off our cell phones or put them on vibrate, and we just hang out at a coffee shop or the bookstore or at home and just enjoy each other’s company. When it’s super-humid and 105 F outside, that alone is plenty active enough.

I was chatting with one of the young maintenance staff members here at the apartment complex the other day, and he mentioned that he felt so overwhelmed by all the obligations he has to fulfill. He has a long daily commute that stretches his workday to almost twelve hours, a physically demanding job and a weekend that’s almost always filled with errands, family get-togethers, get-togethers with his friends, and dates with his girlfriends.

I sympathize with him completely, remembering that that was exactly what we juggled a few years ago, early in our marriage, and suggested that he start saying No to a few things. Not everything, mind you, just things that he absolutely doesn’t have to do. Does he really need to see his friends and family on the 4th of July? Can’t he just do one barbecue party? Does he have to see his parents every weekend? If carving out regular time to just hang out by the pool and do nothing is unrealistic, how about just this weekend or next? He can start by just blocking out next Saturday afternoon between 2 and 5 and say No to any invitations or even errands that would interrupt that. Sure, there may be a cool keg party at his buddy’s house that afternoon, but at his age and with his group of friends, there’s always going to be a cool keg party at somebody‘s house every weekend.

That’s what B. and I are starting to do, and ohhhhh, it helps so much. We try not to say Yes to everything immediately, preferring instead to check with each other first in private so that we can decide if we really want to give up our rare and precious free time for the event. It’s not that we don’t think any of these is important; it’s just that we remember all too well how aggravating and stressful it was to always be running around trying to please everyone and to be a part of everything that we were often resentful and burned out. It’s especially difficult juggling all that in Dallas in the middle of the summer, where attending a party can mean a frustrating hour-long drive in 105-degree weather. Not fun. Mad dogs and American partygoers, that sort of thing.

So that’s how we’re trying to recapture our joie de vivre, not just by saving our time and energy but also savoring what experiences we do choose to invest in. The 4th of July holiday wasn’t any different: we enjoyed a super-relaxing run on Friday morning at the park, then lunch with my brothers and their wives and friends. Saturday, B. helped his mother move while I stayed home and cooked two weeks’ worth of meals. Saturday evening we had an awesome barbecue at my brother’s house.

Sunday, however, was just completely, blissfully, perfectly ours. What did we do? Absolutely nothing.

I hope you did the same!

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.